Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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