I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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