OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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