No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize