Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
