I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
