She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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