You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
