I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
