he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize