I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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