no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
