you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
