Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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