As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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