You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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