i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
