Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
