I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize