He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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