She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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