we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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