just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
