Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
