I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
