I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
