did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
