the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
