The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
