community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
