my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
