I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
