we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
