She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
