I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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