They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
