I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
