I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize