omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
