Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
