moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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