I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
