i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
