She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
