Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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