He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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