This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
