hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
