Already got asked if we're dating
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
