In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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