Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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