Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize