I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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