What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
