Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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