Umm I'm too high to move.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
