He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
only if we run a train.
done.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
