so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
