The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
