Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
