Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
