we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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