I think I am morally bankrupt
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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