just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
