We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
