just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
