You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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