Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he had hair everywhere except his balls
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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