I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
