I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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