Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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