I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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