I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
