A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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