my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
His nipple licking is glorious
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