If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
